December 17, 2008

this spoof on holiday eating came from a relitive va e mail and i thought it was cute enough to share with everyone.

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot
find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it
has10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into
an eggnog-oholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sportscar
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you over exercise between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January (with daily trips to the gym…)when you have nothing else to
do. This is
the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards!




10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party

or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips;

start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this

motto to live by:



"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving

safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in

sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn

out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"


(i don't know if i fully agree with the motto giggle giggle LOL
but do enjoy each day for what it is worth)

Have a great Christmas and a happy New Year!


hugs to all
Diana